It's been a while since I've done a proper Adoption update. I'm currently cuddled up on the couch with my clingy, teething Willow girl, so I'm typing all this on my phone which is fun (hint: sarcasm haha). Putting her down isn't an option, and I'm honestly okay with that. She won't want these cuddles one day so I'm soaking them up.
Our adoption update is that well, there is none. We are waiting on a Birth mom to pick us. Our agency currently isn't working with many birth mommas for various reasons, but we trust in His perfect timing.
In case you missed it, OUR ADOPTION IS FULLY FUNDED with our agency!!! We are so overwhelmed by this. I never ever thought we would raise all the funds for adoption before a placement. On days of discouragement, I can look back on all he's done in our journey and be assured that he is working and faithful.
I thought I would mention here that just because we are working with an agency doesn't mean our placement has to come from them. Our birth mom could easily be connected to us through other avenues. Like friends, family, or even social media. I recently had a friend tell me that they were informed of a baby needing a home but didn't think the baby could be placed with us bc he was in Tennessee. We actually can be placed with a child in any state bc we have an active home study. So I thought I would mention that if anyone reading knows of a situation were a baby needs to be placed with a family or a birth mom is considering adoption but doesn't have a family picked, to remember us:) my prayer is that no matter how the placement happens, whether through our agency or outside of that, that the Lord alone would be glorified and His will be done.
I've clung lately to Colossians 1:17. "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together". He is before our adoption. He knows the outcome, time of placement, the amount of hairs on the baby's head, and the joys and struggles we will face. He knows already. He alone holds our adoption journey together. We won't be placed a second sooner than He wills. I've found so so much freedom and assurance from this verse. It's been my sanity lately and something I repeat to myself at least 10 times a day.
When we first went active again in Sept/Oct of last year my constant prayer and plea was for the Lord to work in our adoption. At the time I meant that the Lord would allow our adoption to happen quickly and be drawing the Birth mom to our agency and then to us. For weeks when nothing happened, I took it as the Lord just wasn't working. What he began showing me was that he was indeed working for our adoption- he was working in me. Over the last 4-5 months of waiting that Lord has done a tremendous work in my heart and life. I won't go into detail of it all here, but he has been steadily refining, molding, and changing me into more of an image of him. It's been a really really sweet past few months of being in his word daily and trusting in him. I can so clearly see now one reason why the adoption hasn't happened yet, and that was because there was work to be done in my heart and life.
Most days the waiting comes easy. I can easily focus on Christ and the here and now. My sweet husband, my outgoing 3 year old, and my, very much still a baby, 1 year old. I'm loving this time as a family of four. It's been so sweet and I'm so thankful. But I'd be lying if I said days or moments of discouragement didn't come. If you aren't adopting or been through the process it's hard to understand. So please just be gracious when reading this. Knowing I have a child out there somewhere but not knowing when I will meet him/her is hard. It just is. I desperately want to know and be loving on our birth mom. With domestic adoption, there really is no timeline when things will happen. It's simply waiting on the Lord. We have no control. I repeat Col 1:17 over and over in my head on those days and ask the Lord to help me keep my focus on him and him alone. To help me be faithful in the waiting and content in where he has me and our family now. I beg for his strength to help me overcome my selfish desires of wanting it to happen on my time and I ask Him to show me ways that I can love and encourage others in their seasons of waiting.
I'm so thankful to be in this waiting period. Of course I want or adoption to happen sooner than later, but this season has been so sweet and the Lord has used it to draw me closer to him. And at the end of the day, more than I desire our adoption to be completed, I want and desire Christ. He HAS to be my focus. I have to want him more than anything else or those things become idols in my life. More of Jesus. Less of me. Less of everything else. Just give me Jesus.